Why Are We Supporting Abusers While Victims Suffer?

Nachi Gordon hosts a live panel on sexual abuse in the frum community, recorded at an event presented by Ray of Hope and Amudim right before Rosh Hashanah. He's joined by Amudim founder Zvi Gluck, Amudim's Director of Education Avi Landa, Amudim Clinical Director Dr. Miriam Lankry, and Ray of Hope founder Zelda Brody, who opens the evening by sharing her own story of abuse and the years of silent suffering that led her to build Ray of Hope. Using live audience polling throughout the night, the panel works through how well the community actually handles abuse, how young the conversation about bodies and boundaries with kids should start, and what to say and what never to say when someone discloses to you.

From there the conversation moves into harder territory: which warning signs actually mean something, why going to a rav first is often not the full answer, when police need to be the first call, and how survivors navigate marriage, dating, and family relationships with relatives who still stay close to their abuser. Zvi, Avi, Miriam, and Zelda spend real time on why so many people still stay silent out of shame, push back hard on the idea that abusers often get more communal support than their victims, and close out the night on what they'd want every survivor in the room, and everyone listening at home, to walk away knowing.

Timestamps:
0:00 Welcome and Panel Introductions
2:33 Avi Landa on Amudim's Educational Mission
3:56 Dr. Miriam Lankry on Clinical Case Management
6:06 Zelda Brody's Story: From Silent Suffering to Ray of Hope
11:49 Live Poll: Does the Community Handle Abuse Well?
14:21 Talking to Kids About Safety and Boundaries
19:50 The Boy Who Waited Six Months to Be Asked
22:36 What to Say (and Never Say) When a Child Discloses
26:34 The Power of "I Believe You"
28:47 Warning Signs Parents and Educators Should Watch For
34:08 Poll: Who Would You Call First
36:16 Debating the Rav's Role in a Crisis
39:10 Victim Services and Funding Available
42:11 When Siblings Stay Close to the Abuser
46:40 Marriage, Dating, and Disclosing Before the Wedding
51:31 Poll: What Stops People From Speaking Up
53:00 Crediting Amudim and Ray of Hope's Impact
58:16 Why Early Therapy Makes Future Help-Seeking Easier
1:00:19 A Caller Afraid to Start Healing
1:01:00 The Grocery Store Encounter That Changed a Life
1:03:36 Rebuilding Trust Through Community
1:05:11 Getting Better at Feeling, Not Just Feeling Better
1:07:25 Shame as the Biggest Barrier to Speaking Up
1:09:27 When Abusers Get More Support Than Survivors
1:12:26 Does It Matter If the Abuser Was a Victim Too?
1:13:49 Toxic Shame vs. Shame That Belongs to You
1:14:57 Closing Question: What Survivors Should Take Home