Meaningful Minute

• January 6, 2026
• 

  3 min

The One Definition of Love That Changes Everything

• Stories

Excerpt from a video by Rabbi Zechariah Wallerstein:

What is love?
What does it actually mean to love another person — especially in marriage?

So many people struggle with this question, and often, marriage is described using words like sacrifice, compromise, and giving up. But according to Rabbi Wallerstein, that framing misses the point entirely.

Love, he explains, is much simpler — and much deeper.

Love Is When Their Happiness Makes You Happy

Here is the core idea:

If another person’s happiness makes you happy, that is love. That is marriage.

Marriage is not a deal. It’s not a transaction. It’s not “I’ll do this for you if you do that for me.”

Yet many couples fall into exactly that mindset:

• “If I take you shopping, you owe me a ball game.”
• “If I do this, you have to do that.”

That’s not love. That’s negotiation.

Real love works differently.

It’s Not Sacrifice — It’s Shared Joy

Imagine a husband who hates shopping. Truly hates it. But his wife loves it. They spend hours together, she enjoys herself, and at the end of the day she says, “I had such a great time.”

If her joy makes him happy, then he had a great day too — even if he didn’t buy a single thing.

That’s not sacrifice. That’s love.

And it goes both ways.

If a husband comes home excited after learning, studying, or doing something his wife doesn’t fully understand — but she sees how fulfilled and happy he is — then his happiness becomes her happiness.

That’s marriage.

Love Is Wanting the Other Person to Be Happy — Even When It’s Not “Your Thing”

Sometimes one spouse enjoys something the other doesn’t:

• Visiting family
• Watching sports
• Spending time learning
• Doing activities that don’t naturally resonate with the other

But when you love someone, you don’t measure those moments by your own enjoyment alone. You measure them by their happiness.

If your spouse is happy — truly happy — and that brings you joy, then you’re not giving something up. You’re gaining something far greater: connection.

The Torah View of Love

This idea isn’t modern psychology. It’s deeply rooted in Torah values.

Love is not self-centered. It’s not about what I get.
Love is about seeing another person’s joy and saying: That joy matters to me.

When two people live this way, marriage stops feeling heavy. It stops feeling transactional. It becomes lighter, warmer, and more meaningful.

A Marriage Built on Happiness

The healthiest marriages aren’t built on keeping score.

They’re built on this simple truth:

When you genuinely want the other person to be happy — and their happiness brings you joy — you’ve found real love.

That perspective doesn’t just strengthen a marriage.
It transforms it.

source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wgujZOI26Q&t=38s